In The End It Is As It Should Be

There are times that I wonder
Am I like those who have the same role
This is not what I dreamed of as a child
It is not what I envisioned as a young girl
Wondering if I could catch a boy’s eye
Even when I met my husband
Did I think our lives would be as this
In truth my life is almost nothing as I expected
As a young child you play with toys,
Pretending your role as an adult
A teacher, a doctor, a mom or an artist
The question is always asked
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Even though it is false hope
Why is it they ask at this age
As a child it was fantasy
As a young girl it was an interest
As a teenager it was the might of rebellion
Soon college comes and the question changes
“What is your major?”
And then the confusion and the pressure starts
You are led to believe that
It is now that you must invest into that which you will be
I started out thinking I would love to teach
But before I even arrived at college it changed
My mind was seeking the truth and the adventure in finding it
Journalism was the next goal
Loving to write and possibly causing a change was what I yearned
The classes come and the magic foreseen disappears with the cold imposed rules of business
A panic sets in
Two years and not content with a major
Quickly I sidestep back to education
My love for reading tied nicely to it
Then came the semester of being a student teacher
I could not escape that sentence soon enough
There was no way I could relate
Panic became overwhelming
I knew I needed to decide
All I could focus on is my love for reading and writing
So to literature I turned
What more wonderful could it be to read and write
And to use the creativity I enjoyed
Then I realized, studying literature to do what
An author would be nice but the risk was high
It is then I decided to continue on , and in the university to land
Exchanging ideas, comparing opinions, immersion into creativity
The advisor said, “With this you can get a job anywhere.”
School was finally done
I looked to the right to find my place and the doors were closed
I looked to my left and there just was not enough and I had too much
Looking back why do those who advise
Mislead you to think you have a choice
What you wanted to be when you grow up is a false hope
As if you have a choice
Instead life selects where you will be
You may feel that you make decisions that lead you down a path
Until you realize that it is life that creates the path and you just follow
And for me, are there regrets
Are my dreams lost
Is there anger for not doing what I chose
There were times I did what I had to do to survive
It was not part of the dream
Now as the years have passed I have settled into my own
I am at where I should be
The advisor was right
I had skills to go anywhere
With my husband my life was full of adventure
With my son I have felt the purity of love and trust from an innocent child
With my job I have creativity and inclusion in debated discussion
My art of the written word is put into daily use
Perhaps not in a novel
But precise to accomplish the ends is what it must be
Not a day goes by that I don’t use my intellect
I now know that all of life is an art
Balancing myself with the rest is a challenge
Though now it is later in life
And I have some choice of the direction of the remainder
If I would do it all over would I change
No, definitely not
It is my life and it gave me the dreams I dreamed

 

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